I miss you Diane.

One year ago today, I received a tearful voicemail from one of my best friends while assisting with an audition. "We lost her", my friend said. I felt my stomach drop into a bottomless pit. It couldn't be, she was supposed to be getting better. She was engaged. She was supposed to be getting better.

Diane was only a year older than I am now. She was brilliant, charming, funny, witty, sophisticated, talented, fun, elegant, warm, ambitious, and a total badass. There were many, many people who adored her. No, who adore her. It has been lovely to look at facebook today, to read the tributes and see the pictures and feel myself very firmly in the midst of a glorious and varied group of people who had one, bright shining thing in common: her. I mean, yes, many of us attend the sames events (some of which she founded and ran). Lots of us love vintage culture. But all of us see owls everywhere now. All of us miss her, and all of us spend time thinking that it was really much too soon.

And to my owl, who looks just like the one tattooed on my chest, with the glass of champagne and the orange Halloween mask I say this: I know you are dancing among the stars. When I need comfort, I think of watching Golden Girls with you on Thanksgiving. When I want to smile, I think of you modeling a Ziegfeld headpiece at Flute Midtown or gliding around Marion's with chocolate of your cigarette tray. When I feel discouraged, I think of you manning the Zelda table at Jazz Age Lawn Party, all day long despite the fact that you were sick and it was really, really hot. And when I think of love, I think of you & all of these people you brought together. You are a muse and a goddess. Thank you.

Post ILHC Blues

It is very, very hard indeed to adjust to "real life" after a weekend of intense inspiration, dancing and partying till the wee hours with the world's best dancers. (And I'll go ahead and TMI this one- the PMS didn't help.) Despite my disgusting mood, I had a productive day. I worked, spent three hours dealing with tech support regarding my errant antivirus software, and starting tidying up the pigsty that is Chateau Wonderland right now. Oh, and I read more of the Shades of Grey trilogy. Shut up. I had to find out what all of the fuss was about on my own.

Ok, the tech support was only marginally successful. But I started dealing with it, at least. Hopefully Jim can make more progress with them tomorrow.

I'm also trying to back up my computer. I've never used this gadget and I don't know if I'm doing it right. But, once again, better to start than to put it off some more. Yeah, procrastination slayer!

A Full Tuesday

Today was good in mostly the right ways. Really, that's the most anyone can ask from a day.

The highlight was my first PURE War & Peace rehearsal. Not to put swing and all of its wonderfulness down, but I must admit that it was really nice to sit in a room full of women and the focus wasn't on exchanges, private lessons, performance classes, or competitions... but rather on nurturing one another, and the community. I love all of the things I mentioned above, of course I do. I'm certain that my life was changed in a million fabulous ways by jazz. Sometimes though, a dancer has to return to her roots, to remember why she dances and for whom she dances. I left feeling challenged, energized, and refreshed.

I got my first pedicure. Mostly because I just got my nails done, and my heels stripped away 2/3 of my toenail polish last night but I didn't want to ruin my brand new mani fixing the mess. It sounds a little bit ridiculous, I know. Um, my toes have never looked prettier. I can't say getting the pedi was the most fun I've ever had, but it's always nice to feel pampered. And more importantly, she didn't get rid of too much callous. Sexy dancer problems!

I've updated each of my blogs, and now I'm going to bed. There may or may not be work drama forthcoming, but either way I want to be well rested for my first bal performance class tomorrow night!